Squeak
by The Manic Muse
Summary: Mommy, where do baby giant alien robots come from? Well dear, when a mommy giant alien robot loves a daddy giant alien robot very very much... CuteStrangeDisturbing... Baby Autobot? AWWWWW! First Fan Fic, please review!
1. Chapter 1

GOOD MORNING STARSHINE, THE EARTH SAYS HELLO! My name is RADISH! I mean Lydia! I'm 23! I have an imaginary friend named Bob. I think squirrels are cute. Furby is evil. Oh yeah, I'm writing a fan fic! This one is my very first, so be kind and review ok? Ok! Oh yeah, I should probably mention in here somewhere that I don't own Transformers! If I did, I would be really rich and I could hire someone to write fan fic's for me. Did I mention I want to be the ruler of the known universe when I grow up? You should totally vote for me too, because my first act as supreme leader will be to order the violent destruction of all things Furby. Muahahaha! Yep, big plans. Until then, enjoy my little piece of fan-demonic dribble. 

Chapter One: Good morning starshine, the car says hello... Wait a sec, what? Oooooh...

"LETS GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUMBLE!"

With a scream Sam fell out of bed as Bee's radio was followed by the ear splitting shriek of a car alarm. Scrambling to his feet, Sam grabbed a book that was laying on his desk, hurled open his window and threw it as hard as he could at the car in the driveway. The car alarm was replaced by the sound of mechanical snickering as it bounced off the Camaro's hood and landed in the grass, before the radio switched back on.

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"

"TWO WORDS BEE! OIL CHANGE"

The car went silent, thankfully and Sam groaned, fumbling around for a clean pair of pants. He never thought he would say it, but there were times when having a sentient car with a sense of humor really sucked. Waking up at who knew what time it was in the morning on a Saturday because your car was bored and being so tired you spilled hot coffee all over your hand sucked even more. Finally, he made it out the door, dressed and almost awake. Almost. He planted a firm kick on Bumblebee's front tire, which resulted in him hurting his foot and dropping his coffee on the ground while he let out a string of swear words that would make a biker blush and jumped up and down. Bumblebee laughed, popping open his driver's side door.

"Are you alright Sam?"

Sam glared at the steering wheel as they backed down the driveway. "Does it matter? I'm here aren't I?"

"I am sorry Sam, but this is important! We picked up on another autobot signature making planet fall in 46 minutes. Optimus thought you would want to come."

Sam felt his day start to look a little brighter at the news. Over the past two years since Mission City, there had been four landings, one of which had scared the crap out of him by having the appearance of the very first Decepticon he had ever met. Prowl, as it turned out, had a thing for police cruisers. He hoped this time it would be someone more like the two Lamborghini's that had landed shortly after. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe had to be the coolest autobot's he had ever met, next to Bee. Eagerly he questioned his friend. "Really? That's awesome! Who?"

Bumblebee chirped, cutting through traffic with ease as he headed for the freeway. "We don't know. We think they may have been damaged and are unable to communicate. Wheeljack caught a transmission, but it's too broken up to read. We'll just have to wait and see."

8 minutes later, Bumblebee slid to a stop beside a massive black and silver robot, who was sitting cross legged on the ground, fiddling with the massive cannon on his massive arm and Sam couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated when he noticed that none of the others had arrived yet. The robot turned his head, orbs of deep blue looking down at them before returning back to the cannon.

Bumblebee played a radio clip "End of the line Jack" and opened his door. Sam could tell he was eager to transform and stretch his legs. Hoping this wouldn't be the day the trigger happy Ironhide decided to make good his endless threats of "Shall I terminate?", Sam climbed out.

Bumblebee twisting from car to robot never ceased to amaze Sam. Several times, he had been tempted to ask Bee to do it over and over again, just so he could watch.

"Morning Ironhide... Uh... How are you?" Sam tried to think of something intelligent to say. The towering figure looked down at him, his voice gruff to the point of sounding almost demonic.

"Tired. You?"

"Same...You wouldn't believe what Bee did to wake me up..."

Bumblebee gave him a look that clearly said "Traitor"

Grinning wickedly, Sam proceeded to tell Ironhide about what a good alarm clock Bumblebee was, which coaxed a deep rumbling chuckle out of the larger Autobot and a sheepish grin out of Bee. Both suddenly looked up, Ironhide rolling to his feet in one fluid motion. Sam looked up and his eyes widened.

There, 30 minutes early, was a burning ball of silver and it was headed right for them. Before he had time to kiss his butt goodbye, Bumblebee was on top of him, somehow shielding him without crushing him into a gooey ball of squish as the ground beneath them shook from the impact of the new arrival.

Hidden within the protective yellow shell of Bumblebee's body, Sam could briefly make out the sound of Ironhide growling and another sound, a small, almost musical chirp.

Then Bumblebee moved, allowing him to see the massive hole in the ground, no more then twenty feet away. Ironhide knelt beside the hole, to Sam's surprise, the massive mech was making sounds he had thought only Bumblebee made. Soft chirps and squeaks.

"Uh, Bee? Why is Ironhide chirping?"

Sam looked up at Bumblebee and immediately worried. The expression on Bee's face was once of complete and utter shock. Then came a bigger surprise.

A flickering, see through image of a transformer with boobs appeared and began speaking in the weirdest language Sam had ever heard.

It was soon drowned out by a squeal that reminded Sam of R2-D2 from Star Wars, followed by Ironhide's deep grunting and speaking in the same language the see through robot with boobs had used, leaning over to scoop something into his arms.

Finally confused to the point of frustration, Sam kicked Bumblebee, who had been standing there looking like a dead fish with his mouth gaping open. Bee looked down at him quizzically.

"What's going on?"

It was Ironhide who answered, his voice the softest Sam had ever heard it. "It's a Youngling Sam..." He moved his body so Sam could see what he held in his arms and Sam's eyes widened. It looked like a somehow cuter version of Frenzy, but with a more humanoid face. Big blue optics blinked at him and it squeaked. The minute those big blue optics met Sam's eyes, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that youngling meant baby. The new arrival was a baby transformer.

As the familiar rumble of Optimus Prime coming up the road was heard, Sam couldn't help but think that things were about to get alot weirder.


	2. Chapter 2

Boo! It is I again, the radish that is Lydia... Yes, I've come to terms with my multiple personalities. I've decided to turn this into a crack fic. Yep. Lots of crack fic-ness. Oh boy oh boy! I DON'T OWN MY PERSONALITIES! I mean... TRANSFORMERS! Yeah. Here. Have a Cyber-Potato.Since we've all pretty much decided I'm out of my mind, I invite you to join me in the insanity that is... Chapter two!

P.S- ATTENTION ALL YOU AWESOME PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED! YOU ARE AWESOME! I'm lazy. So thats all you get. Thanks for reviewing! Feel free to give me more! YAY!

Chapter Two- Ironhide gets peed on.

William woke with a jerk as a sound reached his ears. It was subtle enough to not wake Sarah, who was fast asleep beside him, but for a spring loaded soldier it was loud enough to bring him to full attention. A muffled sputtering sound, followed by a soft mechanical choke, coming from the direction of the barn. With practiced ease, he slid out of bed without waking his wife and grabbed his robe, heading down the stairs silently.

The sound came again, this time slightly louder and mixed with muffled squeaks, chirps and clicks. Then a loud crash and the definite sound of Ironhide being grumpy. Smirking softly, he pushed open the barn door.

The sight in front of him turned his smirk into a grin. In his bipedal form, Ironhide was covered with hay, grumping furiously in Cybertronian and reaching up into the rafters with one hand.

A loud squeal and the grin that crossed Ironhide's face indicated that he had found what he was looking for. His gaze turned to William and he shrugged sheepishly.

"Sorry Will, didn't mean to wake you. Little runt won't go to sleep."

Ironhide held the loudly squeaking "Youngling" in one hand. She aimed a fierce kick for his face and he clicked scoldingly. William grinned. "S'ok Hide, I got a kid of my own, remember?"

Two weeks had passed since "Squeak" had landed. She had bonded so strongly with Ironhide, that after several nights of her escaping the base and some how finding her way into the Lennox's barn, the Autobots had decided to simply allow her to stay there.

William had been weirded out at first of course, but it didn't take long before the scrawny little silver ball of noise grew on him. Squeak acted just like Annabelle, which made it hard to resist adoring her. Shaking his head with a chuckle, he noticed his bedroom light flickering on.

"That's my cue, good luck Hide."

Ironhide nodded. "Good night Will."

"PWAY! PWAY PWAY NOW!" Squeak kicked at Ironhide again, her cute little face twisting into an expression of childlike fury. Ironhide simply looked down at her with a smirk. If he had an eyebrow to raise, it would be standing at attention.

"Sleep now. Play later."

She screeched, clicked and squirmed, throwing a tantrum. "PWAY NOW! NO SLEEP!"

"No."

"PWAY! PWAYPWAYPWAYPWAY!"

"I said no."

Thus began an two hour long battle of wills, the sparkling glaring up at the massive weapons specialist and screaming, as he simply stared down at her with an expression of amusement.

"PWAY!"

"No."

"PWAY!"

"No."

"PWAY!"

"No."

"BIG UGWY!"

"Little Brat."

"PWAY NOW!"

"No."

"PWAY NOW STUPID EXHAUST PIPE!"

"Go to bed irritating glitch."

"HEY BIG DUMMY! LOOKY!"

Ironhide looked down at her just as she emptied her exhaust into his right cannon..

Will and Sarah both woke with a start at the sound of squealing tires. They looked out the window to see two very angry looking tail-lights disappearing into the distance.

Ratchet looked up in alarm as Ironhide stalked into to Med Bay, holding a terrified looking Squeak by her scruff bar as dirty lubricant dripped out of his cannon onto the floor. His voice amazingly calm, he stared into her wide optics.

"You will go to bed now. Goodnight Squeak"

With that, he set her down on the recharge birth in the back of the med bay and tenderly kissed the top of her head. Ratchet simply watched in silence as the sparkling lay down and started her recharge cycle without a word. Ironhide turned on his heel, holding up his cannon.

"You gonna clean this out for me or what? It's starting to leak into my circuitry."


	3. Chapter 3

CRACK-FIC HO! Yo! I mean, HELLO! Ha! I made a rhyme thingy. Ok, so I got a new tattoo yesterday! OW! Yep. OW. It was right on my tail bone, just above my butt. IT'S TINKERBELLE! I love Tinkerbelle. Yeah, so, my friend drew it for me. It's a very special Tinkerbelle, because she's posing all sexy and kissing the tip of her middle finger, which is sticking straight up. It's very cute. YAY ME! But... MY BUTT HURTS! WAH! To make it worse? The squirrels are laughing at me! EVIL SQUIRRELS! pulls out a crossbow and uses it to fire ketchup packets at them Yeah I'm a weirdo. Yep. NO GRAVY FOR YOU REVIEWER PERSON! Geeze! What kind of idiot puts gravy on a Cyber-Potato? You'll get your modem all gunky! I never claimed I could cook... I DON'T OWN TRANSFORMERS! I don't own my mind either. My mind belongs to my cat. I sold it to him for those ketchup packets I just fired at the squirrels for laughing at me. Stupid squirrels.Did I mention I'm a weirdo? I did? Oh... Well I guess I'm out of things to talk about now. Damnit. On to the fic. REVIEW! FOR THE LOVE OF BUMBLEBEE'S CUTE LITTLE BUTT REVIEW! Wait... I don't think I've ever seen Bumblebee's butt... It might not be cute... Slag it, just review ok? Ok. NOW GO AWAY, your interrupting my tea party.

Tibs The Cat: Once apon a time, there was a beautiful cat named Tibs. He was the most beloved cat in the universe. People all over the world worshipped him and brought him many many treats, all of which had catnip in and salmon in them...

Lydia The Radish: Um...Tibs?

Tibs The Cat: Yes hyper active human thing?

Lydia The Radish: I realize you own my mind and all, but this is suppose to be about the Transformers...

Tibs The Cat: Can I make the Transformers worship me?

Optimus Prime: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings... Let the hyper active human thing go.

Lydia The Radish: OH SQUEE! IT'S OPTIMUS PRIME!

Tibs The Cat: Make me!

Ironhide: It seem's you have a rodent infestation. Shall I terminate?"

Bumblebee: KITTY! **SQUISH**

Lydia The Radish, seeing her cat be glomped to death by Bumblebee does a happy dance: I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

Optimus Prime: Um... Lydia?

Lydia The Radish: Yeah?

Optimus Prime: Fan fic?

Lydia The Radish: OH YEAH!

Begin Crack-Fic now.

Chapter 3- Sugar!

"GO GO GO GO GO FASTFASTFASTNOWNOWNOWGOBEESTUPIDFASTER!HAHAHAYOUCAN'TCATCHME!GLITCHHEAD!"

Bumblebee groaned as his systems strained to keep up with the madly dashing youngling while Sam tried to contain his laughter. They had been at this for almost an hour now, after Sam had asked what happened when you gave an autobot sugar.

Thinking it would be fun to show him and being the not very bright bot he was, Bumblebee had opted to give the youngling they were watching Koolaid. Big mistake.

"Squeak, aren't you tired yet?" Bumblebee wheezed.

"NOPENOPE!AREYOU?"

"Not even close!" Bumblebee refused to admit defeat to a youngling. "Check the rep yo, second to none!"

Squeak giggled and continued to madly dash just out of his reach. "NOTEVEN!YOUCAN'TCATCHME!"

Sam fell over laughing as Bumblebee face planted in the grass after a failed attempt to tackle the youngling. "Your never going to catch her Bee."

Bumblebee's head jerked up, Sam's grin faded at the expression of horror that crossed it. He had barely pushed himself to his feet as a hysterical scream came from the direction Squeak had just run.

Sam looked just in time to see a massive metal scorpion leap out of the ground, grab the youngling and disappear back into the hole just as Bumblebee tackled, his hand grabbing thin air.

"SQUEAK!!!"

Bumblebee's anguished cry reminded Sam all too well of Mission City. All the color drained from the boys face as Bumblebee began frantically trying to tear up his front lawn and go after Skorponok.

"BEE! We... We have to get Optimus! BEE!"

Bumblebee looked down at him, blue optic's wide with panic and nodded.

**-Begin Com Talking Thing, A.KA. Having a conversation with the voice inside Bumblebee's head-**

"**OPTIMUS! CODE BLACK!"**

Across town at the Autobot Base, Optimus Prime dropped his mug of Energon. A code black meant two things. Someone had died or someone had been taken by the decepticons. Having Bumblebee declare it meant the person the code black had been called on was either Squeak or Sam, in which case if they weren't dead already, they would be soon. Dread filled his spark as he tried to calm the hysterical scout and gather information while formulating a plan.

"**Bumblebee, calm down. What happened?"**

"**SKORPONOK HAS SQUEAK!"**

"**Can you track them?" **

"**I'm trying sir! He's got a damper going! I'M SO SORRY OPTIMUS! IT HAPPENED SO FAST! I...I.." **

"**It's alright Bumblebee, just stay calm. We'll find her." **

**CLIFF HANGER! HA HA HA! YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS! YAY! SLAVES! WOOHOO! I'm holding you all hostage. Yep. **


	4. Chapter 4

HA! That was awesome! What an awesome chapter. Fantastic! I'd love to meet the whacked up person that wrote it... Oh wait, that was me. So... What happened there? Holy cow! It went from oh how cute to OMG PANIC! Wow... Crack-Fics are weird... I'M NOT ON DRUGS FOLKS! I WAS BORN LIKE THIS! Ok, on that note, lets get started. REVIEW OR HAVE CYBER PICKLES THROWS AT YOU! Ok, so I've read a couple fic's about Barricade having a thing for younglings. The whole back story of Barricade being a big softy because he use to work in the youth sectors on Iacon really appeals to me! No more OMG panic! Lets get back to AWWWW.

P.S! I'M GOING TO ROAST A FLAMER! OMG! SHADOWCAT! OUCH! Holy Glitch Cow! Ok. There's creative criticism, which I appreciate! I really do! But to insult my insanity? Come ON! I'm writing a fan fiction about GIANT ALIEN ROBOTS! Not only that, but I am a die hard FAN of said GIANT ALIEN ROBOTS! Let me say this in my defense. Some of the greatest minds ever, belong to people who were completely insane. Take Albert Einstein for example. No way anyone with hair like that can't be nuts and most people said he was! Yet his "ramblings" led to some of the greatest scientific theories EVER. On that note, lets start with something smaller but no less great. Transformers started out as nothing more then a bunch of insane rambling put down on paper. A group of people, just like me, got together and let the creative flow... Well, flow... On that note, I love your story I've Been Trucked! The scene with Ironhide begging for an Energon Cube is just too cute. Ok, on that note. On with the story!

P.S- Yes you can hug Ironhide...As long as you understand that if you tell anyone about it you will be terminated.

"**COM"**

**LAST WORD: **

"**Why is everything here so pointless?" **

"**Because candy doesn't have to have a point, thats why it's candy."**

**-Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Willy Wonka was another great mind who came across as being insane, but in truth, he was a very wise man... Enjoy the inside of my mind.**

Chapter Four- Awwww

"AREWETHEREYETSTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD?"

"No."

"AREWETHEREYETSTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD?"

"No."

"AREWETHEREYETSTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD?"

"NO."

"AREWETHEREYETSTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD?"

"I SAID NO! WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU FAIL TO COMPREHEND YOUNGLING?!"

"OHIUNDERSTOODYOUIJUSTTHINKYOURASTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD, YOUSTUPIDUGLYDECEPTICONSCRAPHEAD!AREWETHEREYET?"

"NO! NO NO NO! I SWEAR TO PRIMUS IF YOU DO NOT SHUT YOUR VOCAL PROCESSOR DOWN I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS"

Skorponok's building rage finally broke when the pit-spawn of Unicron he had kidnapped in hopes of using her for leverage against the autobots opened her mouth and began to scream.

Barricade was scanning through police reports, sitting out in the middle of the Nevada desert when he got picked up on a weird energy signature. He narrowed his optics as Skorponok burst through the ground in front of him, clicking furiously and flung something small and metal at his windshield. The small silver thing hit so hard the class cracked.

Barricade was about to squish Skorponok like a bug, when the silver thing weakly lifted its head, almost stopping his spark. He was so shocked by the scene in front of him, Skorponok managed to escape before he could beat the slag out of him.

The brutal, cold hearted decepticon had been reduced to staring at the the youngling in front of him like a deer staring into a set of headlights. The youngling stared back, blue optics wide with fear. Her frightened squeak as she tried to slowly pushed herself off his hood snapped him out of his daze. Keeping his voice soft, he spoke, hoping she wouldn't spook.

"Hello little one... Are you alright?"

She froze. "Your not gonna hurt me?"

He smiled softly, his spark almost aching at the sound of that sweet little voice. Oh how he had missed younglings. "No little one. I will not harm you. I promise. Are you alright?"

Her precious little face twisted with sorrow and she burst into tears. Instantly he transformered and with amazing gentleness scooped her into his arms, rubbing the back of her helmet soothingly. He knew there was only thing to do. With a sigh, he hacked into the autobot communications network.

"Optimus Prime, this Barricade, I wish to discuss the terms of my surrender."

Optimus Prime stopped in mid sentence, causing the twins, Prowl, Bumblebee, Sam, Wheeljack and Ratchet to all look at him in concern. He held up his hand, silencing them and returned the transmission.

"**What caused the change of spark Barricade?" **

"**I found a youngling Prime. She needs you. There is nothing left for me with the decepticons, Megatron is gone. I would like to help care for her."**

"**I accept, on the condition that you will abide by our rules.I am sending coordinates to our base now. You have my word that you will be treated as a guest until you have taken your oath." **

"**Agreed. I am on my way, ETA 15 minutes." **

As Optimus turned to reassure his worried sick team that not only was Squeak just fine, but that she had managed to turn the spark of one of the most brutal decepticons on Megatron's force to the path of good, he couldn't help but thank primus, for the brave little youngling that had arrived just in time to give hope when it was needed the most.


	5. Chapter 5

YOU STUPID RANDOM SWEAR WORD YOUR STORIES SUCK SO MUCH I WANT TO SCRAPE OUT MY EYES WITH A FORK SO I DON'T HAVE TO READ THEM ANYMORE!MORE RANDOM SWEAR WORDS DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND STOP WRITING!

So? How was that? Good flame? Yes folks, I just flamed... MYSELF! Because according to um... looks through her reviews again Elita One! I don't know what a flame is... So, I decided to practice flaming and get better at it... Problem is, I couldn't finding any stories on here that are flame worthy... So, I'm practicing on myself. looks at the flame and bawls her head off, quits writing fan fiction and takes up professional ping pong instead, gets seriously bored and goes back to writing fan fiction

Barricade is about about as huggable as cactus wrapped in barbed wire... But if you must, you must.

In regards to my cat Tibs, due to having nine lives, he came back... I had to shove him off my pillow this morning so I could make the bed. Yes you can hug him. He likes hugs. He's a big squishy Burmese who plans to some day take over the world... But of course, he'll have to take out those pesky squirrels first... I should totally write a fan fic about the autobots being turned into squirrels...

Optimus Prime, optic twitching: Um... Lydia?

Lydia the Radish: Yeah?

Optimus Prime, optic still twitching: No.

Lydia the Radish: Aw, come on! You would make a cute squirrel!

Optimus Prime, optic twitching more: No.

P.S- This lovely bit of dialogue, if you must know, was inspired by Elita One's reviews... It's a great idea. I like it. Yes. AND, technically it's not breaking the guidelines, since its in the author's note and not part of the story. So HA! I am awesome.

"**COM"**

Chapter...Um...What chapter are we on again? Oh yeah! Five! Chapter Five!- Teehee, Ironhide says bugger!

"Cade! UP UP!"

Barricade flickered on one optic, regarding the eager looking youngling in front of him. "Ironhide is going to worry when he finds you missing."

"Play!"

Barricade smirked. "Now? It's the middle of the night."

It had been four months since Barricade had become an autobot and he wouldn't have traded it for anything. Throwing away a lifetime of service to the decepticon cause was a small price to pay to be in the presence of a youngling such as Squeak. She healed his spark in a way that he thought nothing could and brought back emotions he had forgotten he had.

"Play now!" Her cute little face was split by an eager grin and he rolled off his recharge berth, gently scooping her into his arms and setting her on his shoulder, making his way down the hall in search of energon.

"Ok, but we need to tell Ironhide where you are."

"No!"

"Yes. He will be worried about you."

Barricade wasn't surprised when as if on cue, his com was hit by a transmission from Ironhide.

"**Have you seen Squeak? Little bugger took the barn door right off its hinges to get out while I was in recharge."**

Barricade didn't try to hide his mirth. Once Ironhide had gotten past who he use to be, they had rekindled the old friendship they had shared before the youth sectors were destroyed and everything went to pit. It was nice to have friends again.** "Yes, she just woke me up. Your obviously getting too old for this Hide. Shall I return her to you?"**

"**Ever heard the term respect yer elders Cade? I kin still out-shoot your rusty aft. Come'ere, I'll prove it."**

Barricade chuckled, wondering where Squeak had gotten the wrench she was now banging him over the head with. Cutting the com with Ironhide, he turned his attention to back to the youngling on his shoulders. "Where did you get that?"

"Stole it."

Barricade frowned as he realized just where she probably stole it from. Stealing Ratchet's tools was punishable by death, every mech who had ever known the crotchety old medic knew that without a doubt. Med bay was sacred ground. "Squeak, you should not take things that are not yours."

"How come?"

"What if we are attacked and Ratchet needs that tool to fix someone? Don't you think he'll be upset if he can't find it?"

The youngling regarded this thought for a moment, before her optics widened. "Like...HideHide and Bumbee and Opty?"

Barricade grinned at the adorable nick-names Squeak had for her adopted family. "Yes."

Ratchet was yanked out of recharge by a hysterical youngling landing with a thud on his chest, followed by a very amused looking Barricade. He winced as Squeak smacked his face plate with his favorite wrench and looked up at her in confusion as she begged him to forgive her for taking it, tears streaming from her optics. Pushing himself into a sitting position, he attempted to calm her with a hug, looking questioningly at Barricade, who simply shrugged and grinned.

Rubbing the back of Squeak's head soothingly, Ratchet reassured her, amused by the idea that the cause of her distress was taking one of his tools without asking. "I forgive you little one, just don't do it again ok?"

Squeak nodded, wrapping her little arms around his neck "Never ever! I promise!"

Barricade almost laughed at the sappy grin that crossed the medic's face as the youngling planted a kiss on his nose.

"I wuv you Ratch'Hatch!"

If autobot's could blush, Barricade was fairly sure Ratchet would be redder then Sideswipe. He decided it was time to go.

"Squeak, Ironhide is expecting us. We should head out and let Ratchet get back to sleep."

Ratchet nodded, reluctantly handing over the youngling. "I love you too Squeaks, now you be good for Cade and Ironhide, alright?"

Squeak curled up against Barricade's chest, sticking her thumb in her mouth and waving with her other hand "Ok! Bye bye Ratch'Hatch!"

"If anything happens to that youngling Cade, I swear on my spark I will turn you into a toaster. Do we have an understanding?"

Barricade turned to look at the medic, grinning from audio receptor to audio receptor and saluted briskly before turning and heading towards the Lennox barn, precious cargo in tow.


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, in apology to shadowcat, for being such a snarky little weirdo towards her... I have decided to dedicate this to the painful death of Starscream. AND! I give you, the shortest author's note EVER!

"**COM"**

Chapter Six- It's a bird! It's a plane! Its... Oh, it's just Starscream... Damn, I thought it was something exciting.

"RUSTHEAD!"

"GLITCH!"

"OW! SLAG YOU, YOU DENTED MY CHEST PLATE!"

"THAT'S NOT ALL I'M GONNA DENT IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A VOCAL PROCESSOR DANDILION!"

The twins tackled each other, starting one of their famous fist fights of doom, neither of them paying attention to the little youngling they were suppose to be watching.

This meeting was taking forever. Ironhide had an urge to bang his head on the table in frustration as Optimus rambled on and on. Normally, the weekly debriefing wouldn't be a bother. He had grown use to them over the years.

What had Ironhide so eager to be done with it? HIS youngling was being watched by trouble incarnate. Primus only knew what horrible things they were teaching her while he was stuck here. With a sigh, he glanced out the window for the thirty eighth time since the meeting started. What he saw made his spark turn to ice.

Optimus Prime stared in shock as Ironhide got up and dove through the window, shattering it into a thousand pieces. His shock was doubled when Barricade followed him. Fearing the worse, he looked out the now gaping hole in the wall just in time to see Ironhide shove Sunstreaker down hard and tackle Sideswipe, knocking him down before he could fire a shot at the retreating form of Starscream.

The next words he heard, explained everything. Not pausing, he hurried out the door, jogging down the hallway towards the twins, his weapons specialist and Barricade with Ratchet, Wheeljack and Prowl close on his heels.

"DAMNIT SIDESWIPE SQUEAK IS IN HIS COCKPIT!"

"SO?! I'M GONNA SLAG HIM SO HARD HIS CREATOR WILL CRY! GET OFF ME!"

"IF YOU SHOOT HIM DOWN, SQUEAK WILL GO DOWN WITH HIM YOU GLITCH!"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. Cade, any idea where he's going?" Ironhide looked up at the ex-con and tried to resist the urge to rip the twins apart, limb from limb.

"None. You didn't think to install a tracking device on her?"

"Of course I did."

They both looked up to see Ratchet approaching with so much speed he was out pacing Prime. He promptly grabbed Sunstreaker and Sideswipe by their scruff bars and slammed their heads together while Ironhide and Barricade simply stared in awe as he proceeded to ream them new exhaust pipes.

"YOU PATHETIC LITTLE GLITCH WORMS! YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE WATCHING HER! YOUR THE TWO BEST WARRIORS IN THE ENTIRE AUTOBOT FACTION AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN KEEP ONE LITTLE YOUNGLING SAFE! WHEN I GET DONE WITH YOU THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF YOU TO BUILD INTO TOASTERS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? I'M GOING TO DEACTIVATE YOU, THEN PUT YOU BACK TOGETHER BACKWARDS AND DEACTIVATE YOU AGAIN! YOU TWO ARE THE MOST..."

"RATCHET! STAND DOWN!"

Ratchet dropped them roughly and curled his hands into fists, visibly shaken as he whirled to face Prime. No one dared say or do anything. Ratchet very rarely lost his temper. When he did, you kept your mouth shut and got out of his way. Optimus stood there, perfectly calm by all appearances. He waited patiently for Ratchet to regain his composure. When the medic finally spoke, his voice was soft, weary and full of concern.

"I will not apologize for my behavior sir. I will escort myself to the brig, but first, allow me to tell Ironhide how to follow the tracker I placed on Squeaks. Please..."

Optimus sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose. When he spoke, his voice was it's usual calm.

"When you have calmed down Ratchet, you will repair the twins. We'll need them to take down Starscream. Prowl, you are in charge of tactical. Hide, Cade, I'm calling in Bumblebee. You three will be responsible for tracking Starscream. The moment you find him, you are to wait for back-up. We are going after her together. No one is to fire a single shot until Squeak is clear. Am I understood?"

There was a resounding chorus of "Yes sir's" before everyone moved to fulfill their orders. Starscream had just signed his death warrant.

Meanwhile, inside Starscream's cockpit, one very pissed off youngling was throwing one very pissy hissy fit.

"Will you be silent!"

"NO! STUPIDDECEPTICRAPHEAD! PUT ME DOWN NOW!" Squeak kicked furiously at everything she could reach.

"BE SILENT!"

"MAKE ME!" With a scream that made Starscream's audio receptors crackle, she continued to kick at everything she could reach. Infuriated beyond belief, Starscream belly rolled,opening his cockpit and sending her flying through the air. Her screams of anger quickly turned to screams of sheer terror as she free fell from 30,000 feet towards the unforgiving ground below...

**HA! CLIFF HANGER! You wanted long, drawn out torture? You got it. I have to go to work now too, so you have to wait until tonight to find out what happens next! EVIL! I AM EVIL! YES! Move over Megatron, there's a new sadistic monster in town! MUAHAHAHA!**


	7. Chapter 7

SQUEE! Work is fun. I love my job. Yep. I'm a tattoo artist. Rockin huh? Yeah. The thought of torturing you dear readers gives me such pleasure. Oh yes. Muahaha. Masochistic little thing, aren't I? I might kill Squeak, just to be evil. -ducks a flying wrench, a shot from Ironhide's cannon and a glare of death from Optimus and Bee- Or... Maybe not... I'm so glad someone enjoys my rants! YAY. I think I'll... Oh I don't know... Kill Starscream instead? Cause seriously, if you watch the cartoons, you want to kill him, just for his voice. Holy hell, it's like Dani Filth... But cutesy. -shudders- Now, as much as I would love to sit here and type out a really long author's note, just to torture you, I have a fan fic to type up. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention in the last chapter. I DON'T OWN TRANSFORMERS! Begin crack-fic.

Oh yeah! Misao-CG! I've decided that your my favorite reviewer! Thanks for the cookie and... :D Thanks to the twins, I have a present for you. -points to an unconscious Barricade, who is twitching violently and drooling- I wonder if its possible for a Transformer to die of high grade poisoning... -looks concerned.- Maaaaaybe we should call Ratchet...

Chapter seven- ANGST-OMG-DUDETHATROCKED-HOLYSHIT!

Ironhide was famed for having no fear. Many a mech, didn't think it was in his programming. But as he saw the screaming silver blurr that was Squeak headed for the ground, he was pretty sure he had never been so afraid in his entire life. Alarms went off as he strained his systems to the breaking point trying to get to her, to catch her, to do something other then watch his precious youngling splatter on the ground. He screamed in frustration as pain shot up his right side, followed by a crack and his leg going out from under him. Frantically trying to get his bad hip back into its socket he turned his optic's to the sky just in time to see Starscream swoop under the youngling and catch her, moments from becoming a pancake.

"DUCK!"

He ducked his head just as Barricade leapt over him, trying frantically to grab the jet as it tore back into the sky. He missed by mere inches and cursed loudly in Cybertronian. Ignoring his agony, Ironhide went back to trying to get up. He had to follow them. He glared as Barricade shoved him to the ground and began examining his hip.

"WHAT THE SLAG ARE YOU DOING? WE GOTTA FOLLOW THEM!" Ironhide bellowed.

Barricade narrowed his optic's, giving him a pointed look and bellowed back "YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT RUST BUCKET? HOLD STILL!"

"LIKE SLAGGING PIT!" Ironhide tried to throw Barricade aside, only to be slammed against the ground again, this time violently. Fury turned to rage as he found himself pinned firmly, Barricade's optics narrowed at him menacingly.

"If you don't hold still, I won't be able to fix you and Starscream will get away. If Starscream gets away, Squeak will die. If Squeak dies, I will personally take you apart, piece by piece while you scream in agony. Do you understand me?"

Ironhide grunted and slumped against the ground in defeat. Barricade nodded and turned his attention back to the old warrior's leg.

"This is going to hurt."

Ironhide grunted again and Barricade heaved, throwing his weight against Ironhide's foot and shoving the hip joint back into its socket. The fact that the only sign of the unbearable pain this action must have caused him was the subtle movement of Ironhide's hands tightening into fists. Barricade was impressed. Most mech's would have adleast screamed.

"That will have to do for now. I don't have the tools to weld it back in place and we'll get there faster in alt mode. Can you Transform?"

Ironhide growled, transforming into his alt form, slowly and with a slight shudder and tore off in the direction Starscream had headed. "Course I slaggin can. Come on"

Barricade smirked and followed.

"Cade?"

"What?"

"Thanks."

Squeak clung to Starscream's seat like a vice, trembling with fear. Satisfied, Starscream snarled at her.

"You will do as I say, or you will go flying again. Do you understand?"

In response, the youngling leaned over the seat and emptied her fuel tank all over his insides. As he swore furiously, Squeak began to cry. Starscream flipped again, opening his cockpit. Screaming she clung for dear life. Starscream shook himself, trying to get the annoying little worm out of his cockpit, when a familiar voice echoed through his com.

"**FOR PRIMUS SAKE SHE'S A YOUNGLING STARSCREAM!" **

Starscream grinned, loop-d-looping so fast she couldn't have fallen if she tried, reveling in the sound of her hysterical screams. .** "What's wrong Ironhide, going soft?" **

"**Ya don't gotta be soft to know that what yer doin is wrong. Let her go."**

"**Come now Ironhide, you know me better then that."**

There was silence. Grinning, Starscream shut his cockpit, slicing off Squeak's fingers. Squeaks of pain joined screams of terror as she free fell through the air.

"**I... I'LL JOIN THE DECEPTICONS! FOR PRIMUS SAKE DON'T KILL HER!" **

The tortured twist in Ironhide's voice filled Starscream with glee. Kidnapping the youngling was proving to be more benifical then he had hoped.

Barricade stared at Ironhide in complete shock. "Hide..."

The tormented expression on the old warrior's face unnerved him. This was bad. Very bad. Ironhide looked up at Barricade, his deep blue optic's determined. "As soon as that slaghead drops her, you take her and run. Don't worry about me. Got it?"

Barricade nodded and turned his attention to the sky. If this was how the old warrior wanted to give his life, by Primus he would respect his wishes. "It's been a pleasure fighting by your side Ironhide."

Ironhide actually managed a smile. "Yer not so bad yerself Cade.

Barricade could tell it was taking everything Ironhide had not to go slagging crazy on Starscream as the jet landed, transformed and hurled the now unconcious youngling into the air. Moving quickly, Barricade caught her, alarmed by the energy leaking from the remains of her battered hands as he took off down the road, not looking back.

"**Optimus sir, it's been an honor servin you and a pleasure callin you friend. I hope you can forgive me. Take care of the kids. Ironhide out." **

Optimus's spark to sputtered. There was only one thing that could have brought those words from the gruff warrior. He hung his head, certain his oldest friend was about to die.

**CLIFF HANGER! OMG! CLIFF HANGER! HA HA HA! I'M SO EVIL! OMG! **


	8. Chapter 8

WOWZERS! I got off on the whole mean and nasty angst thing and got lost... This story was spose to be cute damnit! It's been up five minutes and I got two reviews already! I should be evil more often. YAY.

Random Quote: Did you know, sometimes it frightens me when you say my name and I can't see you? Impetuous boy, you really must learn to materialize before you speak.- Emilie Autumn, Ghost.

Reason for Random Quote? You'll see!

Chapter 8- MORE OMG! SOME AWWW AND A BIG HELPING HANDFUL OF DING DONG THE STARSCREAM IS DEAD.

Ratchet cuddled the hysterical youngling against him, clicking soothingly as he slipped a needle painlessly into her main energon line, sedating her and killing her pain in one fell swoop. As she slumped weakly into his arms, he tenderly lay her on his med bay table.

Immediately she began to whimper, reaching instinctively through her drugged haze in a frantic search for something, anything to hold on to. Frowning he opened the Med Bay door, grabbing a surprised looking Optimus by the scruff bar and yanking him into the room. He promptly pointed to the table.

"Lay down."

Optimus blinked "Ratchet... I have to..."

Ratchet shot him a glare. "It can wait, Squeak needs comfort and I need both my hands. Do what you use to do with Bumblebee."

Optimus sighed softly, allowing Ratchet to arrange Squeak on his chest so he could access her easily and began to hum softly, running his fingertips from the top of her helmet to the base of her spine. She instantly stopped whimpering and dropped into an exhausted recharge as Ratchet carefully worked to repair her mangled hands.

"So. Hide joined the decepticons to save her?"

A twang of sorrow filled Optimus Prime's spark. Somehow hearing Ratchet say it, made it all the more real. He didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply nodded.

It would be a truelly fitting end for the noble warrior that just wouldn't quit. To give his life for a youngling. But Optimus couldn't help but wonder just how he would go on without Ironhide by his side.

"How are we going to rescue him?"

Optimus continued to stroke the back of Squeak's helmet, wishing the answer to that question didn't have to come from him. It was time's like this, when the role of Prime felt almost too heavy to bear. He almost jumped out of his armor as someone else spoke before he had a chance to.

"That will not be necessary."

Two sets of blue optics widened as Optimus and Ratchet turned to the Med Bay door, staring in shock as Ironhide's battered, obviously unconscious form was dragged across the floor by something unseen. Ironhide's phantom rescuer spoke again, this time sounding a bit irritated. "Are you going to stand there gawking all day or help me?"

Ratchet spoke first, with his usual snappy tone. "Who are you?"

Ironhide's invisible rescuer paused a moment, then chuckled. "Woops."

With a flicker, a mech materialized beside Ironhide, his arms wrapped around the massive weapon specialists limp form, smiling sheepishly.

Optimus sighed with relief. Ratchet of course, began to yell.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SNEAKING UP ON ME?! YOU WOULD THINK AFTER A MILLION YEARS YOU WOULD GET IT THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS! FOR PRIMUS SAKE! PUT HIM ON THE TABLE! GENTLY SLAGGIT!"

"It's good to see you again too, doctor. You will have to forgive me for scaring you. I was distracted by my effort to save the day. Now, if you don't mind, I just traveled 268 light years and embarked on a rescue mission which I must say was quite exhausting. I would like to get some recharge in before I collapse on your Med Bay floor in a most undignified manner."

Optimus couldn't help chuckle as Ratchet shoved Mirage towards a recharge table in the back, still ranting the entire way, long after the spy's optic's had dimmed and gone dark.

"Got...The...Bastard..."

Optimus's gaze turned to the table Ironhide lay on. The old mech was concious, though his dim, flickering optic's indicated that he wouldn't be for long. With a weak grin, Ironhide opened his hand and Starscream's head rolled across the floor.

"You did well old friend... You did well..."

As Ironhide's optics dimmed and his systems went into stasis lock, Optimus quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped the corner of his optic and silently thanked Primus for watching over his family.


	9. Chapter 9

Yay, everyone is safe, Starwhiner is dead and Mirage is nifty! I adore Mirage. He's so nifty. I have the day off, so we're going to make this officially "HAPPY RADISH DAY!". In celebration of my having the day off, I am giving you presents of... UPDATES! YAY! I don't know how long we're going for... But I'm going to keep typing until I get bored. Speaking of bored, while I was sitting here being bored, I came up with a great idea! Oh boy! What is said great idea? Oh I guess you'll just have to read and find out. Muahahahaha. You thought the twins were trouble. Holy craptitties kitties, this is going to be fun! P.S- Mirage is hard to type, see, I grew up in Kentucky. We dun tawk like dat in Kun-Tucky. GAH. I'm trying to make him sound all smart and stuff, bear with me. I'm not all smart and stuff. I'm a high school drop out.

Chapter 9- Now you see me, now you don't...

"Come on Squeaks... You have to eat..."

Ironhide's spark ached as he watched her almost fall over simply by shaking her tiny head no. It had been four days. Four days of Ratchet sedating her just so she could sleep without waking up, screeching in fear.

Four days of her having to be force fed energon through an I.V because she refused to eat. Four days of spark wrenching torture, which left all them missing the playful little youngling they had once known and mourning for the broken little ball of fear she had been reduced to.

The sound of a mechanical throat clearing pulled his attention from Squeak. He looked up to see Mirage standing there, looking down at the youngling with quiet sympathy.

"Still not eating?"

Ironhide shook his head, snuggling Squeaks as she burrowed under the crook of his arm, sniffling. Mirage crouched slowly, regarding her curiously.

"Might I try?"

Ironhide moved his arm, gently nudging Squeak towards Mirage, not forcing her, simply offering encouragement. "Squeaks, this is Mirage, he's a good friend of mine."

The little youngling looked up at him balefully and Mirage smiled kindly. "Hello little one, would you like to see a magic trick?"

Squeak simply nodded.

Mirage waved his hands dramatically and grinned as Squeak watched him curiously. " I will need an assistant of great valor and beauty to speak the magic words. Since Ironhide is quite ugly, that my dearest spark, would leave you. Will you assist me?"

Squeak nodded again, her intention captured fully.

Mirage beamed, wiggling his fingers mysteriously "The magic words, are Alakazoo Fizzibeer, make this mech, disappear! Do you understand?"

Squeak nodded again, looking eager now. Ironhide was amazed. For the first time since he had come out of stasis lock, she wore an expression other then one of fear and pain.

"Are you ready?"

Squeak nodded and eagerly repeated him. "Alakazoo Fizzibeer, make this mech disappear!"

On cue, Mirage flickered, only slightly disappearing then reappearing with a frown. "It seems, there is not enough power for the spell to fully function. But do not lose spark! I have a solution to this most disturbing problem. You must consume more energon and try again!"

Ironhide stared in awe as Squeak grabbed the cube of energon she had been ignoring and began to guzzle it, he looked up at Mirage, whose blue optics twinkled with mirth as the youngling had her first drink of energon in four days.

"Do you think if I drink enough I can disappear too?"

Mirage crossed his arms over his chest, looking thoughtful. "By yourself, perhaps not. But if we work together, I believe with our combined powers, you may just be able to. Would you like to try it?"

Squeak nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

Gently he held his arms and she climbed into them. He smiled down at her. "For this, you must believe above all else. You must know without a doubt, that when the magic words are spoken, you will become invisable. Can you do that?"

"Yep!"

Ironhide smirked, watching without a word.

"Do you remember the words?"

"Yep!"

"Are you ready?"

"Yep!"

Mirage nodded. "Then by all means, let us begin."

"Alakazoo Fizzibeer, make this mech disappear!"

With a shimmer, they both vanished into thin air. Ironhide grinned.

"I believe we have done it!"

"Wow! Hide'Hide, can you see us?"

"Nope. Nice work Squeaks!" Ironhide beamed with pride.

"I believe little one, that it is time to return to the world of the visable I heard Ratchet waking from his nap and I dare say he shall be very put out if he finds I've gotten of my recharge bed."

With a shimmer, Mirage returned to being visable To everyone's surprise, including his own, Squeak did not. Ironhide took one look at the shocked expression on the spy's face and lost his temper.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Mirage sputtered "Nothing... My cloak is fully dropped... She should be..."

"WHAT THE SLAG IS GOING ON HERE?! MIRAGE! YOU ARE ON BED REST UNTIL YOU RECHARGE! WHERE IS..."

"Hiya Ratch'Hatch! Mirage broke me."

The expression of terror on Mirage's face as Ratchet looked around for Squeak, whose voice had just come from somewhere near Mirage's chest plate, made Ironhide grin in spite of his anger.

Growling furiously, Ratchet continued to search for the inviable Squeak, frowning at the readings he was picking up. It was a cloak alright, but it wasn't coming from Mirage. It was weak too, as if the one using it had very little experience with it. "You two will explain. NOW."

Ironhide scowled "Mirage got Squeaks to eat by showing off his cloak and now she's stuck cloaked for some reason."

Mirage clutched the invisable youngling against his chest and attempted a weak smile. "My cloak is dropped, however, I believe I have deduced the cause of Squeak's lack of visual form, if you will allow me a moment to explain."

"You have exactly that Mirage, a moment, before I take you apart and turn you into a waste receptical." Ratchet growled.

Mirage's smile grew and he leaned down, speaking softly "Squeak, I need you to believe that your visable again, can you do that?"

"Uh-Huh"

In an instant, Squeak flickered into existence, curled up against Mirage's chest. "Did it work?"

Mirage beamed with pride "Yes little one, it worked very well. It seems, my old friends, that I am no longer the only autobot amongst you with a cloaking ability. Our little youngling is growing up. "

Ironhide and Ratchet looked at each other in sheer horror as they realized just what it would mean to have a youngling who could hide in plain sight.


	10. Chapter 10

YARG! Life bit me. -beats life back with a pickle- I finally get a day off and what happens? I trip over a shoe. A SHOE! Yes. A shoe. Unfortunately, said shoe was tripped over while running down the stairs to get the phone. Yes, the phone. So, I sprained by ankle, bashed my head in and scared the crap out of my husband. Falling down the stairs. Yep. Mad skillz. I'm a danger to myself and others... Mostly myself. So, I now OWN the Transformers movie! YAY ME! There's this scene, when Sam and Mikaela are looking for the glasses and Mikaela finds a box... Yeah. If you want more info you'll have to watch the movie. But it gave me a very interesting idea. Enjoy!

Chapter 10- Why children should be supervised at all times...

"WAKEY!" -WHACK-

Mirage grumbled, pulling out of his recharge cycle with a snort and lifting his head to look incredulously at the sparkling who had just back handed him.

"That was quite rude."

She grinned down at him and kissed his nose. He smirked "I do believe I can find it in my spark to forgive you. What do you want?"

"Spy!"

He grinned, rolling his optics heavenward. "Again?"

She nodded eagerly and he rolled to his feet, carrying her towards the door. "Very well. Perhaps some fresh air will put a damper on your seemingly never ending supply of boundless energy hm?"

She squeaked at him happily. In the month since his arrival, Mirage had grown remarkably fond of the little youngling. Since none of the other autobots had cloaking capabilities, it had fallen to him to teach her how to best use her new found ability. What had started as a training exercise with Bee late one evening, had become her favorite game.

The mock mission had been simple. She was to use her cloak, sneak into the zoo, gather as much information as she could about the animal of her choice by observing it and then slipping out without being seen.

She had done exceptionally well for her first spy mission and had returned with more information then he had expected. When it was finished, he and Bee had made her an honorary member of the special ops. Slipping on his cloak, he indicated for her to do the same, waiting until she shimmered out of sight before explaining what he wanted her to do.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is seek and retrieve. Remaining cloaked, you are to maintain radio silence, sneak past Bumblebee and retrieve an object of your choice from the bedroom of Samuel James Witwicky. Once the object is retrieved, you are to return here for debriefing. Detection will result in immediate failure. Do you understand?"

Squeak nodded, then grinned as she realized he couldn't see her. "Yes sir! Can I start now?"

"You may begin now."

Carefully, Squeak made her way across the street, moving silently across the grass in front of the Witwicky house. She paused as Bumblebee's still form came into view, the moon shining off his yellow alt form.

Confidant he was deep in recharge, she made her way to the front window and sliced neatly through the screen, entering the house without a sound.

She paused as the house settled, before scampering up stairs and slipping into Sam's room. Curiously, she peered at the sleeping boy. Then, as they often did, evil thoughts filled her processor.

With a grin, she got to work. Oh yes, this would be the very best spying mission EVER.

Mirage was starting to get concerned. Squeak was taking too long. Silently, he sent Bee a com nudge, coded so the scout would know to pretend to still be in recharge. When Bee nudged back, he opened a private com.

"I sent Squeak on a seek and retrieve in Sam's bedroom 14 minutes ago. She has not returned. I am concerned."

Bumblebee chuckled. "She probably found something to play with and lost track of time. There is nothing dangerous inside the house."

Still, Mirage felt a hint of relief as he saw the air shimmer in the middle of the lawn, marking Squeak's exit from the house.

"Got it! Lets go!"

Mirage grinned as he felt her fingers feeling along his hood. He clicked open his door, smirking as she slid into his drivers seat, setting a black box with hands on his passenger seat. "She is out Bee, have a good night."

"You too."

Mirage waited until they were a mile out and dropped his cloak. "Alright, lets see it."

Squeak beamed with pride, opening the box and pulling out...

The sound of Mirage's sputtering, choking engine echoed through the night.

The next morning...

"Good morning Sam!"

"Bee, someone was in my house last night."

Bumblebee grinned to himself. "I did not sense anyone Sam. How do you know?"

"Whoever it was toilet papered my bedroom. Did a damned good job too, they used every roll of toilet paper in the house. And they took something. Remember that box I have under my bed?"

Bumblebee stalled in the middle of backing out of the driveway, shuddering with barely controlled laughter "She took your porn magazines?"

Sam's eye's widened as he realized just who had been in his bedroom the night before. "Oh shit..."


	11. Chapter 11

Ok, due to the review where someone commented about it sounding like the last chapter was more of a sabotage mission and less of a spy mission, let me explain to joy of espionage to you. A "Spy" specializes in gathering information through observation and... Through stealing. Haven't you watched Mission Impossible? That's a spy. Now, sabotage. Sabotage is the art of taking things apart. Ruining plans, making things backfire, etc. Example: So and so pisses off a saboteur, then tries to escape and finds someone has taken apart the engine of his escape car, in some small, subtle way. It won't start. He tries for the only other car in the lot, which happens to be rigged with a bomb. Boom. Lesson? Don't fuck with a saboteur. Now, how is a Sabotage and Espionage simaliar? Very simple. The saboteur will destroy you by making things fall apart. A spy will destroy you using information. Lesson learned? Good! Back to being insane. I LIKE PICKLES! This, is a crack fic. I am so proud of this chapter, I could cry. Don't ask what I'm on... It's called help me I've lost my fricken mind... I honestly don't know where this came from! I think the rabid hamster in my mind is having a seizure. Please don't kill me? -hides-

Chapter 11- My little monster...

Sideswipe scowled. He knew that grin. That was the I'm about to get us both slagged because I'm bored and I was born without a processor grin. Sighing, he watched his brother disappear down the hallway.

Sure enough, five minutes later he received a set of coordinates that made no sense. If anyone followed them, they would end up on the bottom of the pacific ocean. Fortunately, Sideswipe spoke fluent Sunstreaker. With a sigh he made his way to the lower brig, which was never used because the security system had conveniently fritz'd several months ago and try as they might, no one could fix it.

"The pickle dances naked upon the ass of Optimus Prime..."

Sunstreaker's cheerful voice acknowledged his password. "Which isn't as big as his head."

"Ok stupid, I'm here. What the fuck do you have planned this time?"

Sunstreaker grinned, stepping out of the shadows and handed Sideswipe a data pad. "I thought you might want to handle this, since business deals are your specialty."

Sideswipe scanned the data pad, his optics widening before he burst into a fit of giggles. "Primus Sunny, this is almost too good to be true."

"I know. So, should we take it?"

"Are you kidding? How can we not?"

Sunstreaker's grin widened "Allllllright! The dynamic duo is about to become a trio! Boo-Shaka-Yah!"

Squeak let out the most dramatic scream she possibly could as Sideswipe walked briskly through the rec room, grabbed her by her scruff bar and dragged her out, a look of homicidal rage on his face. Ironhide, Barricade and Prowl exchanged horrified looks and got up, hurrying after him.

It took them about 20 seconds after they fell through a carefully welded weak spot in the floor into a pool of pink paint and glitter to realize that they had been set up.

Sideswipe handed a giggling Squeak to Sunstreaker and leaned against the wall, trying to stop laughing enough to talk as tears leaked out the corners of his optics.

"We are so dead... Oh primus are we dead!" Squeak giggled hysterically, clinging to Sunstreaker, who was grinning like a five year old on a sugar rush.

"No, we're dead. You'll be just fine. That scream was very well done by the way." Sideswipe wheezed, the corner of his mouth aching.

"We have exactly 14 minutes until they get out of there and when they do, we're going to be in the brig in pieces so lets make this fast. Squeak, we've considered your generous offer to be our personal spy. Alas, we couldn't possibly hire you. Your a youngling. It wouldn't be right." Sunstreaker said softly.

Squeak hung her head, disappointment and hurt flooding her spark.

"Way to go Slaghead, you hurt her feelings!" Sideswipe scowled, punching his brother.

Sunstreaker shoved his brother away and lifted Squeak's head with a finger under her chin, his big blue optics twinkling. "Your like a sister to us Squeak. We adore you. So, we have a proposition of our own. We've decided, for the first time in history, to give up our sacred bond of twinhood for you."

Squeak's optics widened. She had heard countless stories about the twins, they were the twins. To give that up for anything... She simply couldn't believe it. "But... You two are..."

"Inseparable." Sideswipe finished for her. "But we can't imagine life without you. So, we've decided to give up being twins and become triplets. That is of course, if you can tolerate us... We aren't perfect Squeaks. Not by a long shot..."

"And we get in trouble all the time." Sunstreaker said with a grin.

"But we have fun doing it." Sideswipe said.

"And no matter what, we always have each other's backs" They said in unison, watching her eagerly.

Squeak thought she would burst with joy. "Yes!"

The twins looked at the barred door as the sounds of angry mesh's fearing for the life of a youngling were heard approaching. They turned back to Squeak. "Ok, you may have to wait a few weeks to call it in, but as a welcome gift, we're giving you a free prank. Anything you want."

Squeak grinned. "Anything?"

3 Minutes later, a bright pink and sparkly Ironhide smashed through the door, followed by every mech in the base, armed to the teeth. He found the twins standing there, side by side. Squeak peered around Sideswipe's leg, grinning sheepishly.

Sideswipe spoke first, in a cheerful tone that scared the crap out of everyone in the room. "Hi boys! We were just talking about you!"

Sunstreaker spoke next, his tone was even more terrifying, seething with cold, heartless rage. So unlike him it left the team of war hardened mechs shocked into complete silence, unable to even form a coherent sentence.

"You lay a single finger on our sister, that is unkind in any way. I will kill you. One by one. Slowly and painfully while you recharge."

Taking her cue, Squeak stepped out from behind her brothers and skipped out of the room, singing cheerfully. Pausing in the doorway, she turned and in her most cheerful voice said "Thanks for playing with me! See you when your out of the brig ok?"

To the further shock of everyone, the twins instantly returned to their normal selves, grinning like maniacs. "You betcha sis! Love ya!"

An ocean of deep blue optic's followed the little youngling as she joyfully skipped passed the stunned mech's and headed down the hallway. They turned back to the twins, who were grinning wickedly and holding out their hands.

Sunstreaker, in his usual insanely cheerful voice said "Well? Don't just stand there. Take us to the brig."


	12. Chapter 12

Yeah, that was intense. Holy cow. YAY! My brain is killing itself. Ok so, I love the twins. LOVE them. But this fic is getting crazy, even for them. The idea behind the last chapter was that Sideswipe is the scary one that everyone fears because he's a homicidal psychopath who is famous for being cruel and heartless and Sunstreaker is the giggly goof ball that's always asininely cheerful. YAY! They switched places! For those of you that are really really dense... They did it on purpose. Clever little things, aren't they? No, I'm not drunk. You can tell, see! I can type! I think... I might be hallucinating because of my pain pills... Yay for Vicoden! NO ONE IS REVIEWING! REVIEW FASTER DAMNIT! I need my ego fluffed! Damnit. I may be passing out on the floor somewhere in the middle of this drug induced drabble... Which is good, because it's drug induced drabble. Try to read it without making your brain hurt too much ok? Maybe I should go back to trying to have tea with my cat instead of trying to type... Tibs is such a boring cat though, really... He just sort of sits there and ignores me... Bastard. On that note, I should stop rambling, though I've gotten two reviews so far from people who claim they enjoy my little rambles! I'm so flattered! YAY! YOU'VE BEEN OUT VOTED SHADOWCAT! HA! TWO AGAINST ONE! Yay for my rambling. I should start a blog... The problem with the world is there are these lovely men in white coats that look at people like me and say "SHOCK THERAPY! YAY!" Right, half a page later... I'M DONE! I SWEAR! On to the story... DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TRANSFORMERS! I NEVER HAVE! Insert random lies that are suppose to intimidate you away from suing me here: My husband is a lawyer. I'm legally insane. I have a big stick and I'll beat you to death with it, wrap you in a tarp and dump your body in a lake somewhere... Ok, this will address the "PORN MAGAZINE" chapter... You didn't think I would let that go did you? Ha. Fat chance. Here.

Chapter 12- Things to do when your two best friends are in the brig.

"Truth or dare?"

Sunstreaker grinned. "Truth."

Squeak leaned back against the wall, grinning excitedly "What's porn?"

Sunstreaker did the only thing he could think of. He punched his brother in the face. Sideswipe grunted and punched him back. In seconds they were brawling on the floor of their cell.

Squeak did the only thing she could think of. She screamed at the top of her lungs. Sunstreaker's head jerked up so fast he smacked the top of it into Sideswipe's chin. In an instant both of them were looking at her, concerned.

"SQUEAKS! HOLD ON I'M...-CRASHTHUDWHAMGROAN-"

The twins choked with laughter as Prowl came crashing down the stairs, sliding to a stop on his face.

"PROWLIE! ARE YOU OK?!" Squeak ran to him, shooting a death glare at the twins as he pushed himself to his feet, wincing.

"I am fine. What's wrong?"

"It's totally our fault!" Sunstreaker shouted eagerly, punching his brother.

"Yes, we're very bad. Punish us!" Sideswipe added, slamming Sunstreaker's head into the floor.

Prowl groaned, rubbing his temples "I must have jarred my processor in the fall. Are you two actually admitting guilt?"

"Yep!" They said in unison, actually sounding guilty.

Prowl stiffened, his optics dimming as his logic processor shorted out. The twins grinned.

"And that, my dear Squeaks, is how you get Prowl to shut up."

Squeak looked worried. "Is he ok?"

Sunstreaker nodded "Fine, he'll reboot in a minute and look dazed and confused. Then his memory storage will kick in and we'll get yelled at. You won't want to be here when that happens. Go get some recharge, we'll finish this in the morning."

"Ok! Night brothers!" Squeak pressed her forehead against the bars so the could each place a kiss on it and ran up the stairs.

"Goodnight little sis. Sleep well."

As soon as she was out of the brig the twins both sunk in visible relief.

"Holy slag that was close..."

Sideswipe narrowed his optics and punched his brother in the face "DID YOU HAVE TO USE ME AS A PUNCHING BAG?"

Prowl came back online to find the twins beating the slag out of each other, yelling something about porn. After dragging them apart, he made a note to see Ratchet, certain something was wrong with his processor.

**Author's note: Yes, this chapter is MUCH shorter then it was suppose to be. I am aware of this. Unfortunately, my pain killer has kicked in and I can't keep my eyes open. I'm so sorry! I tried! I really did! I have to go become comatose now... If my cat doesn't murder me in my sleep, I will write a longer chapter tomorrow, I promise! **


	13. Chapter 13

Attention humanoid inhabitants of this planet,

I cannot tell you what a great honor it is to be amongst you. I realize that you may find me to be a bit intimidating, however I assure I have no intention of doing harm. I'm afraid I am in need of assistance, you see I've been kidnapped by one of your kind, a very unique young female with a feline companion. They are known as designation Lydia The Radish and designation Tibs the cat. I am writing this, in hope that my friend Bumblebee will find it, knowing as I do his fondness for fan fiction. Bee, if you are out there, please inform Optimus Prime that I will require rescue.

Thank you for your time,

Autobot Designation Perceptor.

Poor, poor Perceptor. I really didn't mean to hold him hostage! Really I didn't! But, he's helping me with my biology 12 class... Biology is hard damnit! It's just until the end of the semester, I promise!Well, maybe two... I have to take Trigonometry next semester and I could use some help...Yeah, imagine that, little miss nutcase is a student at UCLA. Get ready, here's the funny part. Would you believe I'm a psychology major?

I was also diagnosed with Bi Polar Depression when I was 14. Talk about the blind leading the blind huh?

Oh, Ratchet says if you catch him off shift you can hug him... Aw!

Chapter 13- Going to the doctor is scary!

"SQUEAK! Stop struggling and hold still!"

"NO! NO NO NO NO!"

Ratchet scowled as the youngling on his table kicked the syringe out of his hand, sending it skittering across the floor. Sighing heavily he looked down at her. "Please Squeak, this will only take a moment, I promise."

She looked up at him angrily. "NO! NO SHOTS!"

Ratchet raised an optic ridge at her, remembering the day, not so long ago, when those same words came out of a certain bright yellow scout who still feared his rust vaccine. Thinking for a minute, he decided to try a different tactic. Grinning he pretended to knock a data pad onto the floor. As he bent down to grab it, he scooped up the syringe, hiding it in his left hand. Sighing he continued to talk to the tantruming youngling.

"You know, rust is a horrible disease Squeak. You need to be vaccinated against it. I know your scared, but I give you my word, I will be quick about it."

As he spoke, he edged closer. When he was finally in position, he sent Ironhide a signal. On cue, the weapons specialist crashed through the med bay doors, cannons charging loudly. "UNHAND MY YOUNGLING RATCHET!"

Just as Ratchet hoped, Squeaks looked up at her gaurdian, a look of relief on her face. Quickly, he slid the needle into her neck, injecting the vaccine and pulling the needle out without her even knowing it. In the same motion, he released Squeaks, pretending to be intimidated.

Squeak dashed across the med bay, leaping into Ironhide's arms. Ironhide cuddled her, shooting Ratchet a look. Ratchet held up the now empty syringe and Ironhide grinned, carrying the now vaccinated youngling out of the med bay.

"I WANNA SEE MY BROTHERS NOW!"

"No."

"Hide'Hide, pretty pretty please, I'm worried... "

Ironhide looked down at Squeak's famous pouty face and grinned. "Not going to work. You three are grounded. Prime's orders."

"But.."

"No. But, I have something better."

"NO! I WANT MY TWINS NOW!"

Ironhide shrugged and turned, heading out of the rec room. He called over his shoulder "I guess you don't want to learn how to transform then."

He hid his grin as he felt a familiar ball of silver slammed into his leg, her little arms clinging tightly as she stood on his foot and looked up at him, all traces of her tantrum gone. "You want somethin Squeak?"

She smiled sweetly and nodded.

"Magic word?"

"Paaaahleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?"

Ironhide nodded and headed out the door, letting her cling to his leg and catch a ride.

-20 minutes later-

"Ok kiddo. Focus.What is the first rule of transformation?"

"You can only take an alt form equivalent to your mass."

"Very good. Rule two?"

"You can only take an alt form equivalent to your specs."

"You got it. I think we're ready."

Ironhide's deep blue optics rested on the youngling as she looked at the little girls bike in front of her. It was hot pink, with rainbow pom poms on the handlebars and white pedals. Bumblebee had borrowed it from Sam's six year old cousin. Squeak regarded it with a serious expression on her face.

"I wanna be a jet"

Ironhide grinned "Way to think big, but your not ready for a form upgrade and until you are, your gonna have to stick with this. Come on, give it a try."

Taking a deep breath, Squeak willed herself to be the form in front of her. As her transcanner kicked in for the first time she shivered as the strange sensation that was transformation gripped her.

"Just let it flow..."

Nodding, she relaxed, sliding into her new form. The world looked strange, as if she was watching it on a screen instead of seeing it with her own eyes. Immediately she panicked. The moment she panicked, she began to move, flying forward towards the wall with a scream. Strong metal hands lifted her off the ground as her tires spun, preventing a collision.

"Not bad runt! Not bad at all. Now, do the same thing in reverse."

Squeak shivered as she slowly unfolded, finding herself laying face down on the floor. Ironhide chuckled. "Eventually, you'll learn how to push yourself onto your feet while you transform but for now, you did great. I remember Bee's first transformation. What a mess that was..."

"What happened Hide'Hide?"

"Poor kid popped a transformation cog and got stuck halfway. We had to undo him one piece at a time. By hand. Boy was Ratchet pissed."

"Isn't he always pissed?"

"Only when people are stupid."

Squeak instantly vanished into thin air as Ratchet entered the room.

The sound of tiny feet scampering down the hallway and Ironhide's deep rumbling laugh was the only reply.


End file.
